困难

最近是迄今最困难的阶段，焦虑，各种头绪翘起需要关注解决。所有遗留下来的问题需要从头补上。
可能唯一好的一点是，终于落到低处于是不能选择忽视，于是必须一咬牙猛拍下树干转过头寻求解决。
工作没有问题，但是重心必须调整，必须平衡。
第二次咨询换了个vendor，挺意外的，他是个好人，中间他脱开议题，说，你很辛苦。沉默良久，瞬间说不出话来。
 有些新改变，然而这将是个长期的缓慢的努力，需要耐心和智慧。
 几年前和老塞聊天他玩笑说起过，每个人都有他应得的孩子。你的因，所以你的果。那时点头同意，其中最困难的是要改变你自己。
 谈何容易。
 为人父母是所有事中最困难的。
 最近的要点是：
1. 要看到真实的孩子，而不是你眼中的孩子。这很重要。
2. 理解回应真实的需求。所有问题首先是情绪问题
3.帮助孩子理解和表达情绪。
 4.出于爱而不是出于害怕的教导
  今天早上我明白过来转需要的是欢快振奋的母亲。兜也是，许多次她提醒：保持微笑不会变老。然而这很困难，对我而言，做为一个从小学着不停改进缺点的人，非常负面的人。
 通过回避以及幻象得到的正面并不是真的正面，这是问题。
 于我，阅读从来不是好学，是回避。

一地鸡毛，去咨询，聊了一小时，那边笑：你要是我爸妈就开心死了。这是咨询吗？可以投诉吗，沮丧地叹口气挂了。‘你一定会有办法的。’最近到手的都是这句。然后只能绝望之余腾地站起来，一头扎进去。
精疲力尽。
一直不喜欢《到灯塔去》这本书，有必要读吗？你描绘了生活的真相又如何，还需要看书吗，难道它本身还不够清楚吗？多旺盛的生命力才能持之以恒地热爱生活啊。于是觉得一切其它教育都不重要，说到底需要培植的就是这股子劲儿，哄骗着坚持到底。伍尔夫也是这个意思，认清生命的真相，然而依然热爱它热爱它，需要多大的勇气啊。
碎片，时间的碎片，属于自己的很少很少。

Jump360

那日陪孩子去沈老师的新画室，干净，美。小岛才刚会走路，两人授课，做参展项目，生活也是繁忙，有一阵甚至乳腺炎都拖着不去看病，然而逐步逐步地改善，将旧画室换地方重新来过。
想了很久，曾经不也是向往这样的么？太不讲究了。其它都是借口。
不能总是拖拉。
此前去鱼板的高档衬衫聚会捧场，他指着美轮美奂匠心独特的友人制作糕点感慨，女人就该这样生活啊。虽然不以为然，确实觉得也很精美。
去年在维也纳和Georg谈工作，开始先闲话家常，那日他刚和女儿交谈，正是她第一段关系确立时，他为她高兴。说起如今周围越来越多母亲全职回归家庭，他摇头：别，相信我，那些都是繁忙乏味重复的日常，其实对女性不利，没有发展她的才能。

razor's edge

For men and women are not only themselves; they are also the region in which they are born, the city apartment or farm in which they learnt to walk, the games they played as children, the old wives tales they overheard, the food they ate, the schools they attended, the sports they followed, the poets they read, and the God they believed in. It is all these things that have made them what they are, and these are the things that you can't come to know by hearsay...

have to get an English version. Translation is an issue. And it is also mentioned there is a story based on Thomas Hardy...interesting.

Back to my corner. Here is my place.
Very often I think of what Virginia Woolf said, each woman needs a room of her own. Now I get it: in a hotel.
No interruptions. No long list to do. No long list of never done yet.

I am so thankful that I live in the kindness of others.
When there was no more seat on Nora's car and Eduardo had to walk alone, Peter said I would walk with you so that you wouldn't be too bored. He was in a joking tone. But that was the first day here for Eduardo. The moment I felt so lucky I've met them in my life and happily worked together (virtually) for so many years.

And the day before I left Shanghai, Keran's mother drove in front of me. We planned to go to the Zhengda Center to have some fun with kids. I didn't know the confusing route well and never knew where the parking lot was. Red light, I missed her car.  Wait. Wait. Green light. When I finally pulled over, I saw she was waiting there at side line, just to make sure I could follow.

Why I run into these nice people? I guess I must thank god.