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1. 最近还是很有动力的。痛感昨是而今非。同时还有写在哪里的问题，GFW里面的人们是多么分裂啊。想想还是回来吧，不写其实是没有留时间思考，所以惘。
此外还有写什么。犹豫了一阵凭什么小兜小转的日常细节要被我到处帖呢，他们又没有必要被这么牵连。然而事实上的我的生活剥离了这些实在也没什么其它了不起的内容了。

2. 动力主要在国庆假期那天，带小转去看眼睛发炎。总是这样，等啊等了几天见他眼角还是红红的我们就呆不住了，在最后一天假期里去看排了n长的急诊。结果见到急诊医生我羞愧地发现其实他眼睛已经不红了。
在医院门口的混乱中等候时，抱睡着的他坐在马路边一个台阶上刷手机，好久FEW才跑来说怎么不进边上的星巴克。是啊是啊，真是心不在焉。于是歪在咖啡座里看了孙忠旭译的Raymond Carver的On Writing.
这很重要。因为那几句话在脑子里直打转回响。他说，There's no tricks in writing. Not no cheap tricks. No tricks.奇怪的是看的是中文，脑子里回转的却完全是这个。
许多想法，许多想法。所以当年老杜给我们语文课已经是世界级水平了，所以其实都是一样，所以其实洗不洗脑不重要或者说毕竟洗脑不成功，所以那年锅随口提起的那句'或许我又该开始写点什么’浮了起来，所以那其实是最重要的一句话如果我们跳过眼前的各种麻烦。
回家就给老锅发了一条没头没尾的短信，亲爱的锅，你开始写了么？
几乎立刻她回复了，写了些，但最近没有。
她在QQ。
看，我们的世界就是这样分裂，永远鸡零狗碎的在莫名其妙的地方自说自话着。


3.和长园聊Empty Cup,发现功课做得太少，基本功差。话说工作么，成天讲那些语法破碎错误百出的英文没什么关系，完全不影响交流甚至还有可能吵赢嘴仗，顺利地走在语言越来越差的大道上。
检讨了一下，于是去申请当club里面的gramarrian了。TM参加了半年多，很有用，至少对我这样其实communication有缺陷的，反复上台speech，是放松自己，释放自己，说话自然多了。好处是各种受益，和工作成功什么的没关系。重要的是释放自己，调和润滑。
当然club是打着助力大家成功的狗血旗号，参与其中致力各种搞笑，力争让主题跑的更偏更远。
总之不用是不会意识到错误，所以想认真练习写句子写段落。

4.由此衍生的一个野心是把苇间风重译一遍，不知道为啥没人做，或者有人做了我不知道，现在的真是错，丑，或者又错又丑。但这个想法实在让人心跳加速，又怀疑能力匮乏，有点犹豫。

5.最近大力强化交流技巧，把堆着的各色亲子宝典翻得哗哗的。说话是个技术活，尤其是小朋友最近相当逆反，无效对话恰得其反每天都发生，头疼得很。
最困难的是小朋友活学活用当场copy反戈相向，这样的镜子效应，迫使我们只好严格审视自身言行。于是我们每天致力于自我修行，示范平心静气和颜悦色要谈判不要对抗，等等等等。--活着真是修行啊。
后来那天和apple在复印机边聊天，祥林嫂一样地复述我正进行的修炼，apple一语中的地指出，你和她单独的高质量的亲子时间是多少，她的所有‘作’都是求关注，你要每天单独划出一块时间只给她。
其间我多次反驳，不是不是，可是我做不到，没时间啊，可是可是。。。但她是对的，这才是root cause。
很多次我都想到是因为关注问题，然后继续研究怎么修改各种方法，然而没有直接跳过去看最终症结。
apple举例说她和孩子的钢琴时间，其实那不是关于钢琴，那个小时很重要，其实孩子只弹半个小时，弹着弹着她会停下来说，妈妈我要和你说件事，然后是所有关于她的最重要的困惑烦恼。
真是永远都应该和别人谈一谈啊。

6. 每个人都有自己的理由。那天去de-escalate一个case，那个印度人真是。。。前一小时说backend有问题，后一小时矢口否认，非常情绪化，最后被逼问之后愤然说我不要和你讲话了，有话写信有事烧香。总之，作为suppose去control situation的人，结果完全激怒了对方，挺搞笑的，这么多年来又嗅到了被投诉的气味。心里暗想，难怪你的问题这么久了毫无进展啊。中午和Ivy一起查要删lock需要对方同意，我说他不要和我讲话，Ivy说那她打电话吧。后来告诉我此人道歉了，说自己适才十分粗鲁。下午最后交接前又打电话去确认些事情，他果然道歉了，sorry啦，being rude啦，然后随口聊了聊，他倒霉的一天从凌晨3点开始，赶飞机为此事救场，转眼现在又凌晨3点了，没什么起色。挺可怜的，于是建议他先睡4个小时，问题的复杂度我觉得4小时内不会有很明确的解法，不如4小时内不来骚扰他了。他同意之余还一个劲说任何需要随时打电话啊没关系的。
每个人都有自己的理由。

On the Rocket

You never how the story will go.
In a cloudy Saturday afternoon, DoDo sits at the bedstand and asks me to get ready: She is starting our rocket now, as the Captain.
"Sit well! Now I start engine! We are outing of the earth! It is very noisy. Too-too-too-TOO!"
Well, a very old fashioned rocket we are on, obviously. Must be in an old tractor shape.
"Be careful! Too-too-TOO!" More complicated actions from her feet. "We go up. Now I'll use the brake... We are lowing now... Up again!' This machine is much more functional advanced than it sounds.
"We are out of earth now~ Up and up... Too-too-too...Be careful... We are out of earth again. We need to get out earth twice so that we can see them..."
"Who?"
"THEM."
"Who are THEM?"
"The Shells. They are all colorful: Red, green, blue, yellow, pink, orange, brown... and transparent red, transparent green, transparent blue, transparent yellow, transparent pink, transparent orange, transparent brown... And Mickey Mouses. They are also living here. That dark shaddow over there, you see? That's from Mickey Mouses."
All sounds really great, the outer space.

The other day we are talking about 'Who can fly?' I can see she realy likes the game. Because later on she asks me: "Can we talke about 'who can fly' again?"
The game becomes very interesting after we count up all the regular things: All birds, butterflys, dragonflys, planes, kites, baloons...
At this stage, you will realize how pathetic it is that most of things in this world can't fly. Flying is such a precious gift one can have.
"Doraemon can fly!"
"Ah yes, that's a good answer."
"And the little flying elephant, in Disney."
"Yes, that also counts."
"Leaf."
"ok, when falling in autumn."
"Raindrops."
"Snow."
"Plastic bag."
"Hmm...when wind blows it up." This immediately reminds me that impressive long video of dancing plastic bag in American Beauty. Of course DoDo doesn't know that, but she catches the same theme.
"Wind."
"How about dirt?"
"No, it can't fly."
"But if you count leaf and snow in, dirt should also be in. It floats in the air."
"Ok, dirt's in."

Maybe that's exactly the same reason why kids are always crazy about airplanes.
"Airplanes!!" They will always scream out with joy, pointing up to the sky.
So this autumn the kindergarten outing is unforgetable. They went to a park just beside Pudong airport.
It's such a corrupted park, with a few very smelly goats, donkey, peakcocks without tails, ostrich locked in a broken cage... I guess no one will get into such a park if kindergartens didn't organize the activity.
But this doesn't matter at all. All kids are very exciting. First of all, they are in a unknown place with all friends arround. Plus, airplanes!
Every 5 or 10 minutes, there is such a huge plane sliding overhead, landing to the airport just a few miles west.
"Airplane!!!" They all scream out.
"Airplane!!!!" They scream out again shortly. Even the logo on the plane is so clear.
And it feels so unreal when you see all kids running, chasing, laughing on the ground with a huge plane in the sky as background.

The sky looks gloomy. Seems it is going to rain. I look out of window.
"What are you doing, mama? The rocket will depart soon."
"Sightseeing."
"Ok, then you shall be quick. We are going to depart. But I will wait for you."
"Where are we?"
"Shore. We will leave shortly...But I will wait for you, of course. What do you see outside?"
"Hmmm....Stars...Meteors...They are also colorful, just like firworks we saw before...And I see an alien there."
DoDo doesn't even raise her head, "O, he's from the same class of mine."
Then I realize she means 'work class', because she continues, "He's my colleague."
"What does he do?"
"I don't know. I know him, but I don't know what he does. Why should I know?" So it is really a big company.
"He's also driving a rocket now." She said, "But that one is not his. He borrows it. At the beginning he wants to just ride in a rocket, but he can't find a pilot. There are only policemen arround. So he decides to borrow one and drive it himself. It's more convenient."
"Why policmen can't be the pilot?"
"They are policemen! Of course they can't drive rocket. They can only catch the bad guys, etc!"

There are always many 'why why why'. Some of them are really tough.
The recent one is: Why trains can only run on rails, but can't direclty run on roads while cars can only on roads but not on rails?
This is hard. Especially when she put her argument as her little Thomas can run both on the rails and directly on the floor.
And there are really points in this question. If you put aside all the historical technique limitations, there is really no good reason to just design out a cargo that can only run on rails at the very beginning. And history is not an acceptable answer for a question start with 'Why'.
In such occasions of my failure answers, she will suggest very considerately: Maybe you go and ask your colleagues about that? Then you tell me later.
How does she know that my so called 'at work' is actually just asking questions to backend colleagues and forging out an answer full of false logic but somehow looks very true?  Hmmm...

"We will leave. Close the door now."
"Ok, I will close the bedroom door."
She's shocked, "Why do you think here is the door? The door is at our apartment entrance. How can you ride on a rocket without playing a little bit in the living room now and then? And Zz is playing out there now..."
"Well, I thought it is just a plane size."
"A rocket surely is bigger than an airplane....Have you finish your sightseeing?"
"Almost."
"I will also get off now." The pilot suddenly changes her mind, "Let's collect some Shells here. Many many of them. We put them in the bag. Zz needs them as toys."
She starts picking. "Need to clean them." So she hands me a tissue. "I pick. And you clean them."
So in that Saturday afteroon going to rain, we stand on a shore of the space, collect Shells, wipe them clean with a soft tissue and put them back in a big big bag that never exists. Hundreds, thousands of colorful Shells...